There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
if only i could text you this smell
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
