i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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