ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
handjob tips. give me some.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
