Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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