at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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