I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
