You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
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I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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