I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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