No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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