I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
