You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
