Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
