Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
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I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
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Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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