This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
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well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
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Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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