I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
it glows. i had to have it.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
