Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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