I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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