He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Well I just put wine in my tea
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
