I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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