Sorry, I don't speak sober.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
