I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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