He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
