does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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