Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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