I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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