She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
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I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
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You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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