I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
