my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
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After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
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As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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