two words: eviction party
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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