Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
