I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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