The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
