It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
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Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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