I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
