She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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