You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
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