Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
