A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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