I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
is that a dick in a sweater?
I touched a dick in church today
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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