it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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