Will you blow on my dice?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
