if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
That was an excessively violent trivia night
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
