i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
