IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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