you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
