You can't motorboat a personality
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
