it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
