3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
