We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
