Do vagina's smell?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
