Hey man sorry I got all grabby
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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