Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
