it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
