there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
