I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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