Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
