omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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