Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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