i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
