please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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