I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
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