Betty ford says i'm here all night
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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