you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
