if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
