I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
