Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
