Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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