I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
